


Going on

by gagates



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Abduction, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, Character Death, Depression, F/M, Pregnancy, Season/Series 08, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:01:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 16,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27233146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gagates/pseuds/gagates
Summary: Scullys dealing with her pregnancy and Mulders abduction and death
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Set shortly after tinh  
> It got longer and better than I expected, i hope you enjoy it
> 
> and a song fitting the theme of this story:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsGc2STI7Ow  
> Der blaue Reiter - Prison of desire

It was a typical night for a cop. For John Doggett. Sitting in a car, cold coffee, baseball game on the radio and waiting. Waiting for the suspect to come. Only a half hour left and Scully would come to take over. So far, he was glad to take part in this case. He insisted to do this. Noone needed to know, but he needed to clear his head from all the batmans, bounty hunters and extra terrestial shit. How Scully and Mulder could do this for years, he still could not wrap his head around it. Better not think too much about it.

Scully looked at the clock. 30 Minutes until she had to be in bean street. She should have said no. This was simple cop duty, no autopsy or medical expertise needed. Doggett thought, it would ground her, give her a rest. He meant well. It was work. Maybe he was right. And the truth was, lying in bed wide awake or having constantly bad dreams wasn't exactly the best for her either. But she was so tired. It was sheer luck that Doggett didn't see her at the last autopsy, when she was so sleep deprived, that she couldn't stand anymore and the assistent had to finish it.

2 in the morning, raining, cats on the street, dog barking. 3 o'clock, someone yelling. Yelling close to her. Light blinding her. Adrenaline rushed through her blood. She fell asleep. A knot in her stomach. The officer was furious. And when she was finally outside the car, she could see Doggett and the first sunrays. "What the fuck is wrong with you??? Johnson is about to get caught and you have nothing better to do than sleep. He is surely laughing at as right now and flipping the finger. And i'm this close to do the same at you. Not laughing though. If your hormones can't take it, brew the fucking coffee at your local FBI department. Woman and their "we can do it as good as men". The fuck you can." Scullys breathing became shallower the longer the officer went on. And tears began to well up. Doggett watched the ground. Then it happend, she could no longer hold the tears back. They streamed down her cheeks, leaving her embarrassed. "I think it's enough." Doggett made a step towards the officer. "Eff you..." He spat to the ground and went back to his car. "Why didn't you say just no? You could..." Doggett touched her back briefly. "Don't..." Scully gained her composure again. Anger began to rise up in her. He never had to pop pills against cramps, despite wishing for a whole day in bed. He never had to swallow the bile, leaving her queasy for the rest of the day. He never had the talking behind her back, getting worse when she began to show. He never had the FBI against him. But she said nothing, she didn't have the energy. Turning away from him, wiping the tears away had to be enough.


	2. Chapter 2

Proof reading the autopsy report Scully flinched a little when the phone rang. "Scully" "Bauer here, pension service. Can you come to our office please? We're missing some papers, please bring the death certificate, the ID of Mr. Mulder and his insurance card. We need these to prove if someone gets his pension and you are named in the papers as authorized representative." Scully went pale. "Hello?" "I can't do this." "Look, if there is someone else, wife, family, parents, who have these papers, you have to come with them. We can't start with the process." "No, you don't understand. You can't start with, with-" "Listen, I know this is hard for everyone, most of the people have difficulties with these steps. But the FBI send us a death notification." "No! You can't- " Her voice got louder, which startled Doggett. "The circumstances, i can't do this to him... not yet." Silence. "Okay... I send the request back to the FBI. But this problem has to be solved." "Everything ok?" Scully needed a moment to find her voice again. "Family issuses."

She stood up. Skinner, better Kersh, she had to stop this. Skinners secretary could not stop her. "Who sent the death notification?" Skinner looked slightly confused. "You were not married to him, you can't apply for widow's pension." "I- i don't care for the money, i don't want him declared dead!" Skinner swallowed hard. This is far from over. "You were at his funeral, Scully, you are acting delusional!" He stood up, his voice unforgiving. "We are working with the X files, not everything is certain, even death-" "Scully- listen to yourself. There was an autopsy... he can't come back from that! This is a phsical law, this applys to a believer too, Scully." Looking like a hurt tiger, Scully, stepped back, her voice pure pain. "How can you do this... to him? After everything we saw..." Skinner looked down and took his glasses to pinch his nose. "Would you rather have done the autopsy by yourself?" Scully knew deep down, if she would answer that question, she would confirm everything else. And that wasn't something she was ready to do. Skinner couldn't stand to see her in such pain and denial. "What do you want me do?" "Just wait a few more weeks." Barely a whisper. "Please."

Scully went home after speaking to Skinner. She felt so bare, everything hit her with too much force, even the small things. She had trouble keeping her head over water. Having the fish fed, she began to undress to slip into the loch ness shirt. It was slighty worn, she gave it to him, when they failed to find the american version of loch ness in milfield. It cheered him up so much, she had somewhere a polaroid of his smile. Sometimes it was more remembering how it smelled like him than actually smelling it. Two weeks after the abduction after a terrible day of dreading she wore it for the first time. Giving her enough security to sleep a bit better. Underneath the blanket and the steady blue light of the tv Scully began to doze off slowly.


	3. Chapter 3

"Dr. Speake practice, I'm Muriel Dale, how can I help you?" "Dana Scully here, I have a check up tomorrow, but I'll have to cancel. I'm sorry." "Is something with the baby, are you ok?" "Yes, I can't because of a work related situation, I'll call you back for a new appointment." "Ok, take care of yourself, Ms Scully." The closer the check up came, the more nervous she became. Dr. Speake was her new OB/Gyn, but the thought never left her, what could have been inside her. So many times they touched her without consent, altered her body, left her with scars. Why should this be different. Why should they gift her with one of the greatest miracles of the world, when they never did something to please her... Mulder had still so much faith despite of all things happen to them. Mulder who seemed to be a synonym for her faith, like her cross. And now gone, leaving her scared, scarred. Caught between thorns of dead roses. So much doubt, impairing her fragile relationship with their baby. Sometimes she hoped, if she felt the baby kicking, when she thought of Mulder, it would be a proof. A sign, that she could relate to the baby, trust him oder her. But instead, she let the baby pay for the sin of men, so evil, even Satan would not have taken them. Mulder would have stood up for their baby, always a fighter for the innocent children. What to do next. Here she was, standing still, frozen with doubt and yet, everything went on, went with the time. 

Anger began to creep into her mind. They tormented him, her enough. She was left alone for the longest time, only a afterthought. The officer berating her. Doggett, trying to force her back into an old, too small operating mode, leaving her out of touch how Mulder thought about cases, life. Kersh, grist to the mill inside the FBI, who tried to liquidate Mulder, like he was a number in an account. And them, too coward to look her into the eyes. A world against her, her as a woman, as someone deeply intertwined with Mulder. These were the X Files, the last word was never said. She checked her gun. 

The light bulb radiated a cold light, reinforcing the cold atmosphere in the hotel room. Scully was highly alert, arms crossed. "Scully..." The CSM was pleasently surprised. His voice sent cold shivers down her spine. "Bumping along nicely." First strike. Trying to stay calm, Scully looked at him, as reserved as she could master. "You have to bring Mulder back." The CSM smirked. "You must have soiled yourself getting to me." Second strike. He became serious. "Why should I do that. He is mine." "You bastard!", howled Scully. "You already new that, why bother to come?" "Because he deserves it. It's not fair." Her voice oozing with wrath. "Yes and?" Bile went up in Scullys throat, realizing, what she was doing. "I need him. We need him.", unable to hide her desperation. "Wouldn't that be unfair to me? I gave you Mulder and the baby. You can't have both." Scully squirmed. "So what do you want to have?" "So there is a way to get Mulder back?" Scullys mind went almost numb, trying to come up with a way to solve this. CSM face a evil grin. "You wouldn't be here, if wouldn't believe that." "Give me at least a hint how to return him." "And I get baby pictures in return?" She touched her bump. He looked at her bump. "It's easy, Scully. Mulder or the baby." He looked at her like her offered her a holiday in the Maledives. Scully turned her head away, closing her eyes. Her ears were ringing. "Four months to think about..." 

Scully ran down the stairs, vomit already in her mouth. At the next corner she threw up. Shivering, Scully went to the car. The gun in the glove department. She took it. The barrel sparkling underneath the lantern.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not very pleased with this part, but the story can't go on without this part of the story line. Maybe I get an idea to smooth things out later. In the meantime, be forgiving with me


	4. Chapter 4

After meeting the CSM she drove home, to Mulders flat. She felt so defeated. Either way, the CSM always won. The difference was how high he would win. Only Mulders Life. Or, if she would have killed herself, her and the baby's life. Still shivering, she undressed herself and got into the shower. The water left the skin red. There must be a way to solve this equation. Maybe Krycek knew how to. But he wouldn't do something for her unrequited. They were always taking. Standing already for a half hour underneath the shower, she still didn't get warm. Her mind restlessly rehashing the night, it took her some time to realize the water hat turned cold. As she put on Mulders shirt, she noticed how it got a little tighter around her waist and breasts. Which led to her thinking about that it would take only 7kg more and it would be too tight to wear it. Which would mean, Mulder would be even more further away, longer dead. Even less connection. Dead. He would be still dead. He is dead. Dead. He wont come back. Scully began to hyperventilate. No... NO Her hands on the sides of her head, she looked frantically around. This was Mulders home, his home until- Until the day in Helena, Montana. It was her home now, because he was dead for more than three weeks now. He was dead. Please, no... She became lightheaded.

Somehow she regained consciousness. And had to bear the heavy weight on hear heart. In addition to the guilt making almost a deal with the CSM.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last chapter of the first half, now comes the dealing with the depression


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning:  
> The next chapter(s) include suicide ideation, mention of abortion

The csm lit up a cigarette. "What do you want me do?", asked the alien bounty hunter without a trace of Emotion. "Her baby." "I might have to kill her for that." "No, i want you to scare her into giving up that baby. I thought, she would give it up for Mulder, but apparently she's not broken enough to do that. She is already suspecting it that it might be alien, make her think it is alien." "What, when she aborts it." "Well then collect it. If you keep looking after her, that wont be the problem, the baby comes out alive anyway." "Why letting her stay alive?" "Because she said no. I don't like that."

Gladly no others were at the cemetary. The weather did the job well to keep people away. She had some things to say, things which were only meant for Mulder. Saying the prayers, her mind kept going back to Helena, to Oregon, when she had cancer. Mulder told her, he almost made a deal with the devil then. It would hurt him so much, seeing her with the csm, if he knew how she thinks about the baby, how bad things are, in which terrible state she is. He would feel so guilty. Scully felt a tingling sensation at her bump. She touched it. There was it again. Could this be the moving baby? The time would be approbiate, it was the fifth month. Feeling even more guilty, she began to cry. "So many secrets Mulder, I feel like being in a spiders web and the spider coming closer. My mum just knows about you being abducted and me being pregnant, nothing about us, about the IVF, about my angst, what the baby could be." A sigh. "Nobody knows about me meeting the csm..." "I still have these violent nightmares about you, I'm often too scared to sleep. The pictures of deformed babies don't make it easier. Either I'm anxious or soo tired. I had almost an accident because I feel asleep on the steering wheel. Mulder, if I keep going like this, this... I'm slipping into the dark, I don't know how to stop this. Medical care wont help me here..." Another sigh. Time to get to the bureau.


	6. Chapter 6

Doggett, listening to a sports radio programme, and Scully sat in the airport and waited to board the plane. Mulder was usually excited as a schoolboy when they were on their way to a new destination. He would ramble about possible theories, the newest Lone Gunmen magazine, it was entertaining her. What she would have given to hear his rambling now. Instead she got nothing, leaving her alone with her thoughts. Her phone rang. "Hi mum." "Hello Dana, haven't heard from you since the funeral. Are you ok?" Scully sighed. "Kinda." "Where are you? Work?" "Getting ready to board a plane. New case in Michaelis." Her mother surely frowned on this. "Why do you keep going?", the voice exhausted. "Mum, I don't want to have this old conversation now." "You could do desk work, surely they have something for you in the FBI." I'd die, if I don't keep going, Scully thought to herself. Work kept her up. "I tried. Doggett and I did take part in a plain case. It did not end well. I'm not made for these cases anymore. I belong to the X Files." "Dana, you're going to be a mother. You can't do both..." Caressing her bump, while she was thinking about what to answer. Meanwhile her mum was both surprised and glad, how relatively open her daughter spoke. "Dana?" "Mum, I have so much to think about, everyday is a new hurdle to tackle. I didn't plan to spend the last months like this. I got thrust into this. Don't make it more difficult for me as it is. Stop with the silent reproach." "I do not-" "Yes you do." Scully rubbed her face. "Mum, the boarding begins in 10 minutes, don't you want to talk about something else. How Lilly is doing at school or what did you do last weekend with your church group..." 

"Attention please, boarding for Flight 1AB2045 from Washington to Bismarck starts now." Scully tapped Doggetts knee. The man next to her stopped reading a magazine and put it into his suitcase. They went to the counter, the man staying behind Scully. 15 minutes later they were in front of the plane and started to get in. The man sat behind Scully and waited. About a hour later Doggett was sleeping and Scully read the case file. "Hello Agent Scully" It was barely audible. Scully gasped and turned around. For a split second she thought the alien bounty hunter sat behind her. But it was just the man reading his magazine. She took a deep breath. I must have fallen asleep. But the strange feeling in her stomach told her otherwise. Adrenaline began to rush through her vains, she hated it, when she could feel that. A panic attack was the last thing she needed right now. To battle this she began to count down in german. Slowly her breathing got steadier again.

They got to the car rental at 6 o'clock. The light already started to fade. "We have about two hours to drive to Michaelis." "Never heard of this city." "It's a remote village, hidden between hills and forests. The officer warned us, it's rather depressing there." "Did the officer contact you or the other way round?" Doggett looked concerned. "The officer me, why?" "If he already says it's depressing, it might be not the best place for you." "Agent Doggett, how many times do I have to tell you, just because I was involved in some X Files, does this not mean every X File is a threat to me. Mulder is dead, I can't think of a way how this case might relate to me." Doggett didn't say anything, but he didn't look satiesfied. "If I would deem myself incapable to work I would sit at a desk and do the accounting. I'm not Mulder, I don't extravagate." He stayed skeptical.

Approaching crossroads, Doggett looked at Scully, who held the map. "The map shows a small town left. My gut is telling me, we should turn right." "Right? As much I can see right now, it's only a dirt road. Our car is not equipped to drive cross country. And what do you mean, your gut is telling you this?" "Years of driving with Mulder through the country. I don't know how often I said go this way and Mulder went the exact opposite or to the dirt road." "Is there at least a hotel where we can stay?" "No, but a forester's lodge." "How exciting." Doggett managed to make a half smile. "You still haven't told me, why they need us." "They found over the last two weeks 5 teenagers, lying near the forester's lodge. No apparent drug use, no apparent cause of death." "Sounds plausible now that they need us." "There is more..." "Let me guess, the spooky stuff." "The officer said suicidal ideation could play a role." "And you really think, this is the right place for you." He shook his head. "I'm not a teenager, Agent Doggett. And I had never a suicidal thought in my life. I'm a catholic as you know." "Still, with Mulders Death..." "I think we have talked enough about my ability to do the work." 

Roughly about 20 minutes later Scully abruptly told Doggett to stop the car. "I think we're right. There is something." "Should we get out?" "Not yet." Driving slowly, Doggett was curious about what to come. They came to a bridge. "Wait." Scully got out and looked around. The sky was laced with stars, the temperature was about 5° Celsius, ground fog hiding the ground, the village was in sight. "There is a path down to the stream. I want to take a look." Scully got back to the car to fetch the flashlight. She went down the path carefully. The stream has dried up. The bridge and the walls were riddled with graffitis. Something allured her to stay here. "Agent Scully?" Doggett looked down from the bridge. It was so soothing. It took her some moments to answer. "Nothing, just graffitis." Halfway up the path, she looked back, thinking about to come back later. Alone. "Let's go."

The officer awaited them nervously. He waited already for two hours and these two hours were two hours too much. The desire to transfer into the city was never bigger than right now. The thought of spending the next days here, left him with a knot in the stomach. But he couldn't change it, he drew the shorter stick. When he saw the foreign car coming down the road he was instantly relieved. He hoped Agent Scully really could help. At least they said this in the internet forum he found. The moment they stepped into the fresh air, he greeted them over friendly. "Agent Scully." Scully shook his hand, slightly uncomfortable with his friendliness. "And you must be Mr. Mulder." This hit Scully hard, she was inhaling sharply, but it left unnoticed by the men. "No, I'm Agent Doggett." "Mr. Mulder founded the X Files, but isn't assigned to them anymore." Scully tried to sound as professionally as she could master. "Oh, my bad, I'm sorry." "And I guess you contacted us, because it sounds like an X File." "Yes. I'm Victor Torres by the way. The others at the police station either don't believe or too afraid to come out. I lost at the stick drawing. I believe here is something at work, which makes the teenager go... Go... I don't know. By all means, there has to be something if so many die in such short time." "Where there autopsies?" "No, not yet. Nobody wanted to do the job and the next pathology is about 100 miles away. They said the boys and the girl must have tried a new drug." "Are they still in the hospital?" "Yes. I heard you do autopsies?" Scully nodded. "Great. Come tomorrow to the station, it's only 20 miles away. But we don't all the equipment you might need." Scully smiled a little. "Believe me I'm used to work under special circumstances. You have a hospital, that's enough." "Where is the forester's lodge?" The officer looked at Doggett. "The green house. We have no hotel and people don't like it to have the feds in their houses. I'm sorry." "It's okay." Scully smiled at him. "Well, I'm going now. See you tomorrow 9.30." Torres went to his car and drove away quickly.


	7. Chapter 7

Listening to the snoring of Doggett, Scully sat on her bed and thought about the bridge. It was 1 in the morning and if she stayed carefully, she could sneak out of the lodge. She was too wide awake anyway to sleep. Just to sneak a peek. How many times did Mulder sneak away leaving her back. 10 minutes later, she was outside. The fog was as thick as at eve. But there was only one way out anyway. It was almost exciting, a feeling she did not have for a long time. It didn't take long to arrive at the bridge. However there were noises now. Someone was speaking. "Hey, is there someone?" They must have heard her also, because they asked her first. She made the last steps down the path and saw two boys. "What you doing here?" "Umm, there was something, when I went by today. I wanted to see what it was." Somehow they trusted her. Scully made a step towards them. "Are you always here?" "Yeah, it's the only place to endure," Minutes went by. "What do you do, when you are here." Scully realized that her mind began to focus on one thing. It was as soothing as before. "This." One of the boys opened his hand. Some flower seeds ware barely visible. "Hey" The other one got angry. "She is one of them, why did you show her this?" "Trust me, she's not one of them. Her eyes are different." "Are these seeds?" "Yes, we found them in a box here, the box showed up when the river dried up. Do you want one?" Scullys hand twitched a little, but she didn't take one. "No. I think it's better I go now." She kind of wished the boys weren't here. She wanted to be alone here. To perceive on what her mind focussed.

After Scully came back, she slept about three hours, dreaming of a black, cozy cave. Doggett had found some bread and eggs in the kitchen. "Do you want some?" Over the last weeks her apetite wasn't really big, today wasn't any different. "No." "You should." "Still fighting morning sickness." That wasn't true, but he let her alone then. It was shortly before nine, but the sun still wasn't visible. The fog seemed to absorb all colors. After a silent ride to St. Petersen, they met a visibly relaxed Torres. "Good morning, agents." "Good morning." Agent Doggett shook his hand. Scully stayed a step behind. "Off to the hospital." The first boy looked normal. Scully began with the y-incision. At a glance she saw the black shimmering surface of the heart. "Is that black oil?" Doggett was alert. A little surprised Scully looked at him and shook her head. "No, this is different." "Thank god." "I need look at their brains and blood. If there were drugs, there might be still traces of it. Depression alters the ways the brain is wired, the limbic system must be different. They might lacked endorphines." "Well, we know that their brain was indeed different, maybe we can talk to some of them? They have to be somewhere." Doggett watched her concluding the autopsy. 

Back in Michaelis, Doggett went straight to the first house. "Federal Agent here, open please." Scully wasn't to eager to follow. "I take look at the other house." Walking a bit further than said, she saw a boy standing in the corner of a wall behind a house. "Hey." "It's you." "Yeah. Where are all the others?" "There aren't plenty of us left." Doggett could be heard over the village square. Scully expected that the boy would run away and hide from Doggett. But he stayed there calmly. "I'm John Dogget, where is everyone?" "Dead." "Torres said, there are 5 of you dead, this can't be the whole population. And Agent Scully found traces of a drug. Do you know something?" "Why bother." The boy went towards them, Scully could see his eyes better now. Understanding suddenly what the other boy meant with eyes looking different- he had a purple ring around the iris. "What's your name?" Somehow she could bond with him. "Sullivan." Sullivan got so close to Scully, he touched her coat. He leaned towards her ear and whispered: "The place is yours tonight." Doggett still was bothered by it, when witnesses left him out of the talk. "Someone likes you..." Sullivan was hardly out of earshot, when Doggett commentated the closeness. Scully picked something out coat pocket. Some flower seeds. "Are you ok?", asked Dogget out of the car. "Just found some sunflower seeds."

Scully stood in the kitchen and made tea. "Care to share, it's cold out there and I don't mean the temperature." "Umm... no, it's a medical tea for my pregnancy. I'm sorry." The second time today she blatantly lied to him. Well, he lied about the drugs too. There were no trace. "Sullivan is holding something back. I want to look up the census, statistically for a village of this size, there must be at least 7 teenagers left." "I think so too. I want to do some botanical research. Just because I didn't find a trace of a drug, doesn't mean there weren't some. Maybe some special flowers grow around here, which are used. But first I want to take a nap, I'm sorry." "Okay, I will stay a bit longer in St. Petersen to buy something to eat. Any wishes?" "Pasta with tomato sauce." She was just so indifferent about what to eat, eating in general. From a medical view she clearly showed symptoms of a depression. But right now, she just wanted to know what would happen to her and for this, Doggett had to be far away. Her rings around the iris turned purple. 

"Did you find something?" "I searched botanical sites, sites about witchcraft and abortions, but there is no mention of flower, which overlays the heart with the black surface." Doggett studied her. "Your eyes look different today. You might check this." "Yes, it's a side effect of the tea." Instead of researching, Scully was lying on her bed the whole time, feeling like being in a black, cozy cave, thinking for a second, this must be how heroin feels like. She wanted more of it. "I brought the pasta, but it's a different sauce. Is that ok?" "It's okay, I wont eat much." "You didn't eat much the last months either." "Don't you think, this is a little bit too private to talk about?" Doggett let out a frustrated sigh. Did Mulder use a shovel to destroy the walls around her? If they were in love, how he suspected, there must have been a moment, where she cracked. What let her crack? He shook his head and started to prepare the meal. 

Scully was indeed alone, when she came to the bridge. Before she went away, she had made her another cup of tea. Feeling again cozy and calm. But now she could determine, on what her mind focussed. Death- her being dead. She began to cry, because it was so wonderful. Longing for it. If she stayed long enough, she might be able to go the same way like the teenagers did. No guilt, no sorrow, no anxiety, no CSM. Surprisingly she didn't feel cold. This was no X File. The teenagers were depressed, found the seeds, tried them, which soothed them enough to use them so long, until they overdosed. She had to find the seeds tomorrow. Doggett found Scullys empty bed. He put his clothes on, took the gun and the flashlight and went outside. Some meters away he saw a body on the ground. His heart sank. "Scully?" He illuminated the head. No red hair. He let a relieved sigh. It was Sullivan. Damn it, where are you, Scully, we've got work to do.

"Where were you last night?" "Walking." "Agent Scully, you're hiding something from me, aren't you." He looked at her accusingly. "I have trouble sleeping, that's all." Now he got angry. "Look at Sullivans eyes, they have the same purple rings as you got." He turned Sullivans head in Scullys direction. "Guess they fade, the longer they are dead." He checked her. Scully guessed her eyes were normal again. "I'm not dead, Agent Doggett." "What was in the tea yesterday?" "I don't know." He shook his head. "You're a MD and pregnant, with everything you went through, I can't believe you didn't check the ingredients before." "Agent Doggett we have a dead body here." "You're not of the hook." Scully stood up. "Believe what you want. I go to his parents house."

"Mr McCannick, I'm Agent Scully, can I talk to you?" "He is dead, isn't he..." "Yes, we found him in front of the lodge." "Come in." Mr. Mannick looked rather freed from something, than sad. "I'm sorry, I can't be sad right now. He was depressed for so long, I think, it was inevitable. We tried so many pills, but it was like they just didn't work. Like with all the other kids. Do you want to see his room?" Doggett knocked at the door. "This must be my partner, agent Doggett." "Go upstairs, to the right. I'm letting him in." Scully went upstairs. The room was painted in a dark purple, black and white pictures on the wall, dusty but neat. Doggett came in. "Found something?" "No." Doggett opened a drawer. "Just underwear." Scully controlled the pill boxes. One was not dusty. She opened it. The flower seeds. She flashed Doggett a glance. He had his back turned to her. She let the box vanish in her coat pocket.


	8. Chapter 8

Thinking about his next steps, he was sure of two things: Scully had drunk that tea again and she would go to the bridge again too. Which would enable him to search for the tea. Scully looked like a weight was lifted off her shoulders all afternoon, her facial features were more relaxed and if he could look at her eyes, the purple rings would be there too. Someone of the teenagers must have the supply and he's here to stop the dealing. To stop the dying. Why didn't he go to the bridge sooner, he thought to himself. Because it made him shiver, something dark loomning there, something to avoid. It was like that in the village too, but not as heavy as over the bridge. Now he just had to wait for Scully to go, even if this meant a greater danger to her. Doggett could eventually hear Scully standing up again. Ten minutes after her going, he went to her things and started to frisk them. Her gun, some pill boxes, her maternity records. Nothing. He took a second look at the pill boxes. The bottom of one looked black, not white from the pills. He opened it and found the seeds. What the hell was wrong with her. What happened to the Scully who protected her baby, didn't go into to the Boston underground. How could she drink something, which altered her mind and body, was made her so recklessly?

The closer he came to the bridge, the more he wanted to turnaround. Hand on the gun, he turned on the flashlight. "Agent Scully!" Scully opened her eyes, too intoxicated to move. Her mind became unfocussed. A minute later, Doggett stood before them, two other teenagers and Scully. "Agent Scully." "Go away." "No, listen to me, you have to stop, you are in danger and so is your baby. You don't know what these seeds do to the baby. If you don't stop, it will kill you." Doggett took her by the shoulders. "I don't want to..." "And you, you have to stop too. Where do you get these seeds from? And I want a straight answer." The one next to Scully began to speak. "There is only Jenny and me left. We have already too much of it, you can't stop it, it's not like there is Naloxone around. You will never know how it feels like, why bother..." "Where are the seeds!" Jennys breathing became slower, her skin turning pale. "See, she's going." "No!" He turned to Jenny. She was dying and he couldn't do anything about it. He hadn't felt so helplessly for quite some time. "Scully." "Leave me alone." "No, you are drugged, this place does only harm you." "No, you don't understand, it's peaceful here." "What is peaceful about a too early death?" If the guy is right, he can't stop the two dying, but he can at least help Scully out of this hell. "You go with me, Scully." Doggett tried to help her up. "Nooo." "We go to the hospital."

Only reluctantly let Scully the nurse take a blood sample. By the time the doctor came to her room, she was already quite off the drug for her liking. "I'm a MD, I don't want any treatment." "Scully, are you out of your mind?" "I'm not changing my mind, I'm set, I don't want to be treated." The way she spoke, was clearly emphasizing her wishes. "We didn't find any trace of drug, we don't have to treat you." "But she had drunk some tea frome these seeds." Doggett showed the Doctor the pill box. "What the hell?" Scully threw an angry look at Doggett. "These seeds are the causing the teenager's death. They apparently overdose it. You have to give her some kind of Naloxone." The doctor stayed skeptical. "You had no right." Scully stood up. "If she's a doctor..." "If you don't stop it, it might kill her!" Doggett was frustrated that he couldn't convince the doctor. Or Scully. "I'm going." He had enough, the rest of the work could be done by the local police department, he had to get Scully out of here.

On their way to the airport, Scully did stay silent the whole drive. Doggett could sense her nervousness, he noticed Scully throwing up this morning. "I just wanted to help you." Maybe it helped to state this. She looked sternly onward out of the right window. "And your baby." Scully closed her eyes. These fucking terrifying thoughts were back, in addition to the rising feeling she might get withdrawal symptoms in a few hours. She longed to back in that cozy cave already. Why did she let Doggett take her away from it.

Arriving at the airport, Scully felt nauseous. The liftoff was in two hours. On the basis of her knowledge and the time gone since she was under the bridge, how nervous she was, she estimated, that she would be still on the plane, when the pain will come. Great. She sat down on the first row of seats. Doggett went to the coffee shop. An old white lady sat down next to her, which made Scully uncomfortable. The lady looked at her, smiling broadly, then she touched her bump. "Your life is about to take a wonderful turn." Scully jerked. This lady said exactly what the guy in Juab county said. "You're going to be so loved." Scully stood up so fast, she fell backwards over her suitcase. "Get away from me!" Panic in her voice, her whole body trembling. Sweat ran down her spine, her heart beating too fast and too loud. She could feel the angst in her whole body, her chest aching. "Get away from me!" She began to hyperventilate, tears running down her cheeks. The old lady stood up and came closer. "This is such a wonderful, wonderful thing for you and your unborn child." "Please stop this, you're making me afraid." Doggett came back runnning. "I'm a Federal Agent, please step back or I'll have to use force." The lady looked at them, clearly disappointed. "Please." Doggetts hand went to the gun. "Jesus loves everyone, especially the unborn babies. She needs help from Jesus." "Go!" Doggett drew his gun and pointed it at the lady. She finally walked away. Scully meanwhile was still in terrible state. Doggett wanted to take her in his arms, but she jerked away. "You need a doctor." He put the gun away. "Please, go on, I have everything under control." The people around them only left slowly. "Scully, I'm here." Scully was still down on the floor, half over the suitcase. He could see how fast her chest went up and down. "Scully, listen to me. Breathe slowly. In and out." She did not respond. Doggett grabbed her. "No!" "Scully, it's me! Doggett!" In her mind was so much going on, thoughts screaming for attention, her baby, the lady, her baby, the black cave, the alien bounty hunter, these people in Juab county. And someone was touching her. And screaming her name. What if that would stay that way, the anxiety, what if it really was the alien bounty hunter, what if they always would touch her, what if she met too many monster? This is a panic attack. Chest ache. Heartbeat. "Scully!" Look at him. "Yeah..." It was a hoarse whisper, but a reaction after all. "I help you up, did you hit your head?" "Don't touch me- don't." Scully pulled her arms out of his hands. "Ok. I'm sorry." Her motions were still dithery. "Do you want something sugary?" Slowly but surely gained Scully her composure back. "Don't say no." Doggett left for the second time. After about 10 minutes he came back with a cup of hot chocolate and a doughnut. "Thank you." Scully took a little a sip, it tasted horrifically artificial. To bite a bit off the doughnut took her some time, suspecting it being the same terrible taste. "We have a 5 hour flight, will you endure it?" "I'm fine." "Do you have withdrawal symptoms?" "No, why?" "Well, you got hooked pretty fast and the boy made it sound like it's some kind of opioid." "It was a panic attack. The lady said something triggering. Nothing more, nothing less." Another bite, it felt so strange. Yeah, well maybe they want to poison you. Scully got alarmed about her thought. "Hey, I paid for it.", commented Doggett, after he saw Scully throwing the doughnut away. "Sorry, it makes me nauseous." Scully was really glad, when they arrived Washington, after a fitful sleep on the plane. Her legs and lower back were hurting, she tried her best to hide it. The way from the airport entrance to the baggage claim area to the car were exhausting. "I drive you home." "Yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quotations from roadrunners are written by Vince Gilligan


	9. Chapter 9

It was her own home, anyhow she felt lost. Unlike Mulder's flat, hers is silent, neatly and too bright. The tea is getting cold and her breakfast is half eaten. She should have been in the bureau for a hour now. Some meeting about a new study within the bureau about cost control. Obviously the report from Special Agent Short was just the beginning. Fighting in her head whether to call in sick or not, Scully sat at least 20 minutes on her bed, til she made the decision. It cost her quite an effort to make a breakfast and eat some bites. During her cancer sickness she had weeks, where she was exhausted to the point of fainting. But her mind wasn't worn out. Now, she just felt cold, numb, dead. Moments, in which the sorrow came over like wave, she felt a little more alive, or when her anxiety came back. But this was torture, needing ten minutes until she finally put the sweater on although she was already freezing. Studies came into her mind, confirming that people with depression saw their surroundings less colorful, always felt more cold. She should have been out there, buying little pajamas, napkins, some plush toys. Instead she was a terrible mother to her innocent child. Punishing it, for mistakes she could have avoided, but made them nontheless. It was a terrible idea, the IVF. Thinking, Mulder would be forever on her side. Being so selfish, although her religion taught her otherwise. She began to cry, caressing her bump. "I'm so sorry. I don't mean to... but I don't know how to stop this. I would be always on the run."

At noon Scully was to some extent fit enough to go to work. At work was everything by and large normal. She could concentrate a little bit better, like her train of thoughts were almost muted. "Feeling better?" "Yes. And some new orders to hold the expense down?" "Not yet, but they will come. Kersh was very eager to make that clear. I'm sure, if you would have been there, he would have spoken directly to you." Scully let out a sigh. "Well, I haven't looked for a new job for years, maybe it's time to update my resume." "You don't mean that really, do you?" "Do we have a new X File?" Doggett watched her and gave her the file. As weary as she looked, there was maybe a grain of truth to it. "The white woman of Boarhill. Some kind of spirit." "How far have we to drive, to fly?" "You gonna like it, Vermont. Apparently is in the woods of Boarhill a place, where the white woman, the spirit waits near the street and when you stop and take her with you, nothing happens. But if you don't stop, a car accident happens." "How many victims?" "Seven so far. 16:30 at the airport." 

After eating in the diner of the motel, they went to their rooms. Scully sat at the desk, in the dark. Her wash bag and pajamas still in the suitcase. A knock on the door. She opened it. The woman from the check-in smiled. "I'm sorry to disturb you.", changing into the alien bounty hunter. Scully stepped back, her mouth open, unable to scream. Her hand frantically searching for her gun. "I just wanted to ask, if everything is alright.", changing back to the woman. Taking a step towards Scully, she asked, if she was ok. Another panic attack coming, Scully had trouble to find her voice. "What do you want from me?" "Nothing, I'm sorry." The woman turned around and walked back to the check-in. Scully closed the door, trembling, trying to gasp for breath. She slipped down the door to the floor, in her hand finally the gun. Breathing heavily, trying to spell german words backwards, but the alien bounty hunter stayed in her mind. Crying now, her hand covered her face. This was too intense, for her and the baby. She wanted to be back under the bridge, intoxicated from the tea. She wanted peace. Scully stayed the whole night there, falling finally asleep, dreaming that someone in her close circle has turned into the alien bounty hunter, but she couldn't figure out who.

With dark circles under her eyes, Scully greeted Doggett in the diner. "Did the woman from the check-in ask you too, if everything was alright?" "Yeah, nice girl. Why?" "She tore me from sleep." "You look like it. Can I cheer you up with a breakfast?" "Plain corn flakes and skimmed milk please."


	10. Chapter 10

Scully and Doggett went into the hospital room."Mr. Kershaw, we are with the FBI, i'm Agent Scully and this Agent Doggett. We're asking you a few things. Agent Doggett stands to your right, I'm sitting in front of you. Are you ready to start?" "Yes." "I'm a MD, can I read you medical records?" "Yes." "Can you tell us how the accident happened?" Mr. Kershaw turned his head to Doggett. "Well, it was shortly past 10 in the evening, I was driving for quite some time that day and thought first I fell asleep. But there was this white figure near the road. I don't have a gun, I'm not good in fighting, so I didn't stop. Suddenly my sight began to change. Like milk running over my eyeballs and getting thicker. Until I couldn't see anything anymore, I tried to stop slowly, but I hit a tree pretty fast. I still can't see." "Looks like the texture of the cornea has changed. They can't determine it yet, if you gain your sight back." "Ok, thank you." They walked outside the room. "The autopsy reports state, that the others had also a damaged cornea. And Ms. Brown has the same problem. Who or what destroys their corneas?" "I don't know. But I want to take a look at the spot first. Sheriff Hudson said, it's easy to find, there a many sprayed lines." Scully thought of Mulder, the touching of her back, the going underneath his arm, the x on the road in Bellefleur. Her hand went to the spot on her back, missing it. "The accidents never happend in broad daylight. Do you expect to see the woman?" "No. Is there a speed limit?" "Yes, but the accidents happend despite that. And most of the times, they were within that limit." After a short drive, Scully stood on the road, taking a look around. "How old is the road? Maybe it's build over a cemetary, a sacred place." 

Back in the hotel Scully asked the receptionist about the woman from the check-in from yesterday. "The receptionist from the late shift yesterday, tall, blonde woman, what's her name again?" "The shift was covered by Becky Hanson, and she has brown hair. Is something wrong?" "Yes- No... I must have mistaken someone for the receptionist." The receptionist looked at Scully in disbelief. "Okay... If I can help you, call any time." Scully smiled apologetically and went back to her room. The thought of being traced badgered her. Tipping the number in her phone, Scully didn't expect the Lone Gunmen to answer instantly. A little surprised Scully didn't say anything outrightly. "Scully, are you ok?" "Yeah... I just didn't thought you would answer, Frohike." "It's you Scully, who wouldn't. What's the matter?" "I- Umm." Scully rubbed her forehead. "I might being traced." "By whom?" "Most likely by someone from either Krycek's or CSM's circle. I'm not sure. I just can't shake this feeling." "We didn't notice anything peculiar." Scully knew, they were keeping tabs on general alien activity, maybe it was time to ask them, to keep tabs on her. "Just keep an eye on me. Even if it's just to feel safe." Frohike looked concerned. "Sure enough." A hour later, they sat in the diner, Doggett taking a bite out of a greasy burger. "I did some research. When the road was build, a terrible accident happend. A blind 7 year old girl was run over by a digger and died. The road is fairly new." "And the girl wants now revenge?" "Possibly..." "Any idea to stop this?" "Eye for an eye?" "You want someone to sacrifice his eyes to stop this? Now you're going too far." "Any better idea?"

The word got round fast and as a result people began to assemble in front of the town hall and made their opinion heard. Doggett and Scully stood in the sheriff's office and watched the people going to the town hall. "You stirred up a hornets' nest. How do you want to calm them down?" "I don't know." Doggett looked at Scully. "Do you think I said that for kicks?" Doggett didn't answer. "I had plenty of cases, in which one had to sacrifice something to end the spell. We will be asked from time to time, how much a life is worth. And believe me, the answer is never easy. What do you suggest? Building a new road around the spot? Tell that to the people responsible for the budget." "You have to go and talk to them!" Scully took a deep breath and looked again out of the window. Looking stern to the upper front of the building, Scully walked to the town hall. "Is that the woman?" "Here she is!" The people began to curse at her, the hostility palpable in every fiber of their bodies. Scully felt like she would be burned, a knot in her stomach, her voice not resolute enough. "Please, let me explain this." A wave of curse words were directed at her. "Please." They grumbled, but they got quieter with time. "I've been assigned to the X Files for a long time, I'm a scientist. Never the less I witnessed some cases of spirit sighting and some cases, which only got solved because someone sacrificed something, a body part, life itself." Some people yelled. "I understand, that decision is not easy. It's up to you, how much is everyone's life worth, what do you want to give for safety. But I'm fairly sure, peace doesn't come with nothing. The girl gave her life, when the road was built. Too many died already or lost their sight. Something has to be done." "You come here, why don't you sacrifice yourself?" Sheriff Hudson stepped in. "I think you better go now." Scully knew, the moment, she would be in her room, she would cry. She felt so bad for suggesting something like that. 

A week later, after costing her quite an effort, stood Scully in a grocery store in front of a rack full with too many options of rice. It overwhelmed her. A young boy ran around the corner into her. Scully let her cans fall down. She kneeled down and suddenly a man stood next to her. The alien bounty hunter. Her phone rang. She took it out of the pocket. "Sorry." It was a boy again. "Scully, Doggett here. Just got a call from Sheriff Hudson. The grandmother of the girl, has an operation today, getting her eyes removed. She wants to bring them to the spot. Hudson wants to call us, if there is an accident again." Scully stood up and began to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Parts of the story about the white woman are taken from a myth, told in a town about an hour from my home town away. The white woman is always at the same place and nothing happens to you, if you take her with you. But if you don't stop the car, an accident happens to you. I'm driving by from time to time and although I don't believe in ghosts, it's a really unpleasant road to take in the night. Straight for miles, only wood... But I have never seen the ghost.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: description of depressive behaviour

Mulder caresses her cheek and smiles. "Your eyes sparkle, I could get lost in them." "Only now?" She smiles back at him and kisses him on the lips. His hand wanders to her breast. To her bump. She wishes he would go on and touch her between the legs. Still smiling at her, he caresses her upper inner thigh. Scully inhales sharply. "Go on." Mulder hesitates for a moment, watches her. Scully takes his hand, guides him. He knows her, but today is different, she wants him fast. She has her eyes closed now and her moaning gets faster. When his bulge touches her thigh, she lets out an loud moan. Scully cups her hands around her breasts. Mulder is- Scully wakes up, moaning, feeling the arousal between her legs. She touches herself where Mulders hand just was and goes on until she comes. The come the tears, and she cries until she falls asleep again.

Some hours later she woke up and knew she couldn't go to work today. The only thing she wanted, was, putting on Mulders shirt, watching a black and white horror movie and eating pizza. Her heart aches and she could cry again, because it's too much, and not enough at the same time. She doesn't want to forget him, his speech patterns, his voice, his laugh. She takes the shirt out of the pile of clothes on the armchair. It doesn't smell like him anymore for quite some time now. How many times he stood too close to her, his aftershave, how his hair smelled. How many times did they just stand, forehead to forehead, so close to kissing, but not making the next step. Instead kissing the head, the forehead, the cheek. They ran out of time and were oblivious. Would it have been different, would he had said something about his illness, would he have stayed with her, she aks herself again and again, sometimes too afraid that it wouldn't have made a difference, that he would have ditched her. The t-shirt is awfully thight now around her bump. She touches it and waits for a response.

Some days later she woke up, took a shower, put on clothes, drove to work and thought the whole time, she should turn around, hide in her bed and wait until everything was over. She felt nervous, traced and expected something bad around every corner. She ran into an Agent, who spilled his coffee, got angry at her and made her paranoid. She took the stairs, the clicking of her shoes frightend her equally as the thought of sharing a lift with people. When a door closed too loud, she got statled and walked faster. "Agend Scully, no good morning?" She stopped and turned around. The alien bounty hunter. Smiling. "What do you want from me?" This time she was too angry to get petrified and pulled the gun. "Yeah, shoot me. And tomorrow will be a new one after you, visiting you in the hospital, because of our blood. Which by the way, would hurt your baby, if he-" "If he what? What is wrong with my baby?" He came closer and she got frightend again. "It's not my job to tell you this...", putting his hand on her bump. She felt a sharp pain and fainted.

When she was conscious again, she hat a another panic attack. Almost fainting again. A technician found her and called Doggett. She was so distessed, that she couldn't speak, was still shivering. "You belong to a hospital." Her eyes got wide and she shook her head frantically. Doggett sighed. "Ok, I bring you home. But you can't go on like this. You have to do something." He brought her home and she stayed at home the next three weeks. Too scared to take any calls, to open the door, too scared to sleep. She felt like a tiger in a cage and couldn't escape her thoughts. She paced back and forth in the living room, the tv a constant noise unable to mute her thoughts. Her mother brought her sometimes food, aghast over the condition of her daughter. Junk stockpiled near the couch. She cleaned up for her daughter and the next day it would look like the same. When her daughter called her, she could hear, how anxious her daughter was, words coming out choppy, hurried, mumbled. Her mother had to bring the ordered take away. "Come to my place." "No, I don't want to draw you in!" "I am drawn in, Dana." "Just leave me alone. It wouldn't help anyway." She never heard her so discouraged, devastated. This was worse than the call she got, when Scully told her Mulder has died. Now it looked like, like life was taken from her. Margaret Scully just wanted to touch the bump sometimes, because she feared the baby was as inanimate as her daughter. Scully laid on the couch, pulling blanket over her, until everything was dark. And she stayed like as long she could.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: might be triggering, mention of pregnancy complications and an abduction will be described

"He's getting impatient, his time is running up." Krycek smirked, standing next to Skinner, talking about the CSM. "What does he want, he is waiting for what?" "He offered Scully Mulder, in exchange for her baby." Skinner couldn't say he was surprised. "Scully asked him first." Skinner was for a moment breathless. "Yeah, it's that bad." "Why is she still pregnant, if he wants the baby, he could have send an alien bounty hunter, abduct her." "They were after her, but they had to wait until the 7th month. Which is now." "Which means you are?" "I'm offering Mulder. The virus for his treatment." "For?" "Time and how the CSM gets his ass beaten." "I don't believe you." "I know. But if this isn't satisfying enough, I still can take your life, Mulder's, Scully's, the baby's... I do as I please." "You're no different as the CSM." "I know, but right now I've got the upper hand." Krycek put the vial on Skinners desk. Skinner didn't want to give Krycek the gratification by taking the vial immediately. The minute Krycek was out of the room, he ordered to open Mulders grave. Krycek stood outside of the room and listened to the call. He smirked and thought Wimp.

Two days later Doggett came into the hospital room. "I expect you didn't call Agent Scully?" "No, I didn't. I want to wait until Mulder is in a better shape." Doggett looked at Mulder, lying in a hospital bed, hooked on several machines. "Well, he can't get any worse. Who had this mad idea to try this?" "I got a hint of a source." "Known or unknown source?" "Well known." "How much did you have to compromise?" Skinner turned to Doggett. "I don't know..." Doggett looked at him in disbelief. "These are the X Files... You should know by now, how this works." "I'm just baffled by from time to time how much and how easy you, Scully are willing to take part in such absurd actions." 

Meanwhile Scully was at home and called her mother, drumming with one hand an irregular beat. "Mom, bring me to the hospital." "Is something with the baby?" "No. I just-" Scully began to cry. "I can't- I can't endure the thoughts anymore. Bring me to the psychiatric ward." "Ok, I'm coming. Please wait. Don't do anything, you were strong enough to call me, you're strong enough to wait." "I have so much Angst." "20 minutes." Margaret Scully swallowed hard. She put her coat on as fast as she could and drove to her daughter. The longer it took, the more she got concerned. Charlie had shown her, how she could call her daughter via blutooth connection, but she had forgotten the steps. It would have helped her to calm down, to hear Danas voice. 

Scullys phone rang. "Mom?" "Go to the Memorial Hospital, Mulder's there." She gasped and put her hand on the bump. The thoughts were now swirling like a tornado, overwhelming her. As Margaret Scully went into the living room, Scully got startled. "My dear..." Scully was wavering, the thought of her mother being an alien bounty hunter crept into her mind. Where was her gun. "Hi- wait a minute." She opened the top drawer of her desk. "Hands in the air and turn around." "Dana!" Her mother went pale and raised her trembling hands. The next minute put Scully the barrel of the gun against her mothers neck. "One shot and you're dead." "I'm your mother!" Her mother began to cry. "Okay, tell me something about Charlie." "He pierced his tongue by himself." "Tell me something about your other children." "Bill hates Mulder and Melissa designed her own tarot cards. Is that enough?" "Tell me something about you." "I love you." The way her mother said it let Scully quiver. She put the gun away. Scully slumped down, crying. "I can't anymore, I'm traced and threatend by some men, they want my baby. And Mulders abduction and death, and my baby, the baby, I don't know, they called me and said Mulder is in the hospital, I don't know if it's my, our baby. I don't know what's true, I just know, this has to stop, I don't wanna live like this..." Is was hard to understand her, because Scully spoke too fast, but the things she understood, if they were true, she wished they weren't and how could she trust her daughter, that this wasn't just a psychosis? But if she already had such mistrust, how much must have had her daughter? "We drive to the hospital, check you in and call Doggett or Skinner to check on Mulder." "No, I have to see him, he's the only one who can make sense." "Dana, I don't understand, why Mulder would be in the hospital, he's dead." Scully was crying hysterically by now. "I just have to know. Please, take me there."

Scully looked in the bright light of the hallway even more disheveled. "Where is Mulder?" "Only family-" "I am family- I'm with the FBI- I have ID-" Scully searched desperately for her ID, until she noticed, she wore a hoodie. "She's with the FBI." Skinner walked towards her. "How did you- you shouldn't..." "I need to see him." Her hand on her bump, her voice was stronger than the last months. "Room 405. I wish, warning you, how bad he looks, would be enough." "I- I just have to see him. I cannot not..." Scully walked down the hallway and stopped in front of the door. What if he wasn't Mulder? Suddenly she felt a kick underneath her hand. This was enough for her to go in. Every beep hurt her. She laid her hand over his heart, then laid her head over his chest, and began to cry. A few moments were gone, when Skinner stopped two men from going to the room. "Who are you? You can't go in there, it's private." "Doesn't matter, we have the order take Agent Scully to a psychiatric hospital. She a threat to the baby, herself, other people." Margaret Scully stepped in. "If she goes to a psychiatric ward, I'm going with her." One of the man slapped Margaret Scully so hard, that she stumbled against the wall. "I said you can't" Skinner pulled his gun, but the other man was quicker and shot him. They went into the room. "Agent Scully, we're going to the psychiatric ward." "What, wait, not yet." "I said, we are going!" Scully realized that she was in danger, but they grabbed her quickly. She began to scream, to fight. "I wouldn't endanger my baby, if I were you." They pulled her out of the room. "Dana!" "Mom- MOM!" Scully felt suddenly a sharp pain in her adomen. She groaned loudly. "My baby, I'm bleeding. Stop. Please! I'm bleeding!" She hadn't the energy to fight anymore. They dragged her out of the hallway into an ambulance van. They strapped her on the stretcher. One of the men took the driver's seat and drove off. The pain got intense, like a scorching hot blade cutting through her adomen, leaving her on the verge of blacking out. The ride took about 30 minutes until they stopped at an abandonned industrial site. The men took the stretcher out of the van. "Wait, I have to be in a hospital, I'm losing my baby, please, I'm bleeding. Please!" Scully groaned again loudly, she wanted to caress her bump, but her arms were strapped to the stretcher. One of the men closed the doors, then they drove off. "No!" Scully tried to free herself. "NO! I need help!" All of a sudden a bright light spot came down from the sky. Scully got the misgiving, that she would know the light already . "NOOOO!" The light stopped about 5m over her and blinded her temporarily. A low hum muted everything else, her mind too. The straps were gone, but she couldn't move. A force began to lift her up. Then she blacked out.


	13. Chapter 13

Everything is white and cold, different to the dark world she used to seek, to live in. Lights are keeping her on the stretcher made out of a cold, smooth metal. She's not here because they want something from her, she is here because of her baby. The pain is gone, her baby is still alive, is very active. It doesn't like to be here, like he is afraid, which makes her afraid. She wants to hold Mulders hand, thinks of him. How he was treated. Is this the last of the world, of her life she sees, before she dies? She cries out his name just to hear something familiar.

Mulder wakes up from the coma. Scully just said his name, he expects her to be near him. He reaches out for her, but he is bed-ridden, machines beeping in an useless beat. She is not there. He doesn't know what his last words, actions were. He was alien, alienated from his own heart and mind. Just Scully. And a second heartbeat like melody. But the more he tries to remember, to recognize, the blurrier it gets. 

For a moment her baby rests, Mulder must have heard her. Like the baby waits to hear him. She wants to touch her bump so badly. Realizes with every coming second, how much her love grows, how much she knows for certain, it's their baby, she doesn't have to fear it. Aliens are coming, looking human, but they lack soul. She gets afraid again. 

Mulder knows, she's in danger. And someone tries to contact him, but he can't understand.

An electrical scalpel cuts her adomen up. She screams in pain, tries to stay conscious.

Mulder touches his scars.

They without emotion, seem to be disappointed. They search, but don't find it. It doesn't put her mind at ease at all. What is wrong with my baby, with Liam? Don't hurt him please. Take me, but don't hurt him. They don't listen to her.

Mulder lies in the dark, the machines emitting a faint blue light. He wants to know, what the fuck is happening. There has to be somebody who knows. He wants to be with Scully. "Scully!" He screams her name, until a nurse rushes into the room. The light from the hallway is too bright. He remembers the white light, lifting him up.

They speak. Others come and go. She lies there bare and vulnerable like she was never before. They don't care for her. She fears, she dies before she can say hello to her baby. 

"Where is Scully?" "Who?" "Was she here? She was here!" The nurse calls for a Doctor. But a man in a trench coat comes instead. He says, he is Agent Doggett.

Scully prays. Tears running into her hair and ears. She mixes verses up, stumbles over words. She wants to believe God listens to her.

"Stay calm. Agent Scully can't come." "Don't tell me to calm down, when Scully isn't here. Is something wrong with her?" Doggett hesitates and looks at his charts. "You don't understand, you have to be careful with yourself. In your condition-" "I don't want to know what my condition is, I want to know what Scullys condition is!" "I can't say-" "Something is wrong with her, are you here to cover things up?" "No." Doggett wants to say more, but he doesn't know what. "Then bring Skinner." "I can't, he has been shot." "Well then, I'll have to go and look for myself." "Agent Mulder!" Doggett tries to grab Mulders hand, before Mulder could pull out the tubes and wires.

She hears the words Carl Gerhard Busch. First it doesn't ring a bell, then it dawns on her. The cigarette smoking man. She wants to touch her baby, to protect it. 

"Let me go!" "Not yet! You just woke up from the dead!" Mulder falls back on the bed. 

Mulder. Something weakens him. Why can't she protect her family. She loses energy, hope. 

To hear this, knocks him out and he suddenly feels very exhausted.

They don't know what to do with her. Or the baby. They perform another test. She can feel the low humming of the tool in her bones. It hurts in her teeth. 

Mulder swallows the tears. He didn't want to do anything to Scully. And did too much instead. He wants to be alone. He is lost. Doggett leaves the room, relieved that Mulder stays. At least for now.

The room begins to spin, Scully gets dizzy and nauseous and just before she thinks she has to throw up, she faints.

Mulder thoughts are swirling around, it makes him dizzy. He wants to faint.

The worlds are shut down and out of reach for each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first and only thing i had in mind for this fanfic was Scully being afraid and depressed and teenagers taking drugs, which Scully eventually takes too. Everything else came up along the way and some chapters were just flowing out of my hand, just like this chapter. I'm really proud how this story evolves and I hope you have/had as much fun as I do.


	14. Chapter 14

The CSM stood near the window and waited. Too long for his liking. It frustrated him deeply how much went wrong in the last months. How much he lost power. Would have gone it the way he intended, Scully would be in a hospital by now, in a psychiatric ward, maybe dead, but he would have have the baby. But there was still time. And in the end he always won. He heard someone coming up the stairs. He looked through the peephole. The alien bounty hunter. He let him in. "And?" "Well things didn't go as planned. Such as Mulder being alive." The CSM dropped his cigarette. He swallowed hard. He tried to light up another cigarette, but his hands were too shakily. The alien bounty hunter sensed this and come closer. The CSM moved back. "Do you have the baby?" "We had her, but they took her." The CSM knew instantly, that things looked bad for him. He was trapped. "They're angry, because you said, the baby would be the one and you didn't deliver the baby. They said, they gave you the power, the alien parts to incorporate in his DNA. They checked him thoroughly and you didn't deliver either. He's as alien as your next granny." The CSM had one minute to decide if he killed himself. The alien bounty hunter waited coolly, playing with the barrel of the gun, he had pulled out of his coat. The minute went by and the alien bounty hunter did his job and pulled the trigger. 

Maybe they had mercy. Scully knew, that they had her sewd up. She felt the pain. Her baby was still. She could touch the bump. Liam! Panic arose. She felt disconnected. She couldn't tell, if her baby was still alive.

Mulder woke up and got twitchy staightaway. "Scully..." The nurse came in a jiffy. "Would you stop screaming or we have to sedate you. How many times do I have to tell you, there is no Scully."

"Mulder..." But her scream just turned into an echo bouncing from wall to wall. 

Suddenly the energy in the room shifted and she got strapped to the stretcher again. An alien come back and injected a white, milky fluid in the port underneath her collarbone. She had trouble keeping her eyes open. Her mind got agitated again, she felt like experiencing every feeling again she had over the last months. All the doubts came back in a big wave crushing her. She began to cry. She wanted to touch the bump again. So badly. Bellefleur. How he kept her warm. The doctor telling her she was pregnant, and being confused, because she looked so sad. Shooting the alien bounty hunter. Her experiences at the Walden-Freedman Army Research Hospital. The doubt was back again, that her baby might be alien. Mulders death. How she found him on the ground, how she touched his cold face, terribly hurt face. His hair. How she ran back to the farm only to fall on the floor and to scream in agony. His funeral. The alien bounty hunter. Her depression, her suicidal thoughts. She felt like the space ship was flying fast downwards. They had no mercy. They were torturing her with her own thoughts.

This time he won't be stopped. Not even by his own thoughts. He had to search for Scully. He pulled off the tubes and the wires, cursing at that damn beeping. He had a notion who Skinner was, but if he really was shot, he would be no help at all. No, he had to listen to his heart and search for a light. 

Suddenly the space ship stopped. The straps were loosend and she got lifted up by the light. She had to close her eyes. The light moved her. All of a sudden her ears were ringing, she could remotely hear typical night sounds. It was cold around her, but different. This cold was wavering around her. She opened her eyes, the light got less bright, and suddenly she was on the ground and the light vanished. 

Mulder put on the clothes the nurse gave him and went to the check-in. He signed the papers, his handwriting sloppy. His constitution was not the best indeed and he had to use the hand rail from time to time, but he made it to the cabs.

Scully, although she was freezing, was lying sidewards on the ground, pulled her knees up as much as she could, touched her bump and began to cry. 

Mulder didn't know where to go. Scullys place. He tried to remember her address. Then he thought, he knows it, when he sees it. The cab driver was not too excited to cruise around in the friday evening traffic. 

She had to survive. She needed a shelter. But here in the middle of nowhere, near a field of corn and underneath a clear night sky, weren't too many options. She tried to stand up. A short dizzy spell came over her. Looking around, she got the notion to go south. From time to time she looked up to the sky, where she saw a constellation, she never had seen before or read of. After about a mile, leaving her exhausted and feeling the pain in the adomen again, she stopped and looked up to the sky. Westwards. All at once she saw an old, half derelict barn. In one corner was hay scattered around. The tractor-drawn trailer was covered with plastic foil, she could use to cover herself. The moment she laid down, she fell asleep.

"Stop, here it is." Mulder hoped, Scully had some money at home to pay the cab. "Please wait, I come back to pay." The cab driver was not completely convinced, otherwise this man had aura of sincerity. Mulder rang the bell and was surprised when the door was in fact opened. Both men looked at each other for a short time. "Mulder." "Charlie." "My sister is not here, our mom said I should look after her flat. The way Dana did it for you." "Excuse me, but can you pay the cab driver?" Charlie smiled a little. "Dana said once, she had to cover for you from time to time and pay for your expenses." Mulder, already in the living room, looking around, defended himself. "I always paid back. And when I wanted to go on holiday with her and pay for it, she declined." A moment later he said more to himself, this looks different. It was less neat than usual. The book about pregnancy didn't catch his eye. Charlie came back. "Did you go on a sightseeing trip, I can't recall, that it cost so much from the hospital to the flat." "Who told you about the hospital?" "Mom. She said, she visited you. Here's the duffle bag, in case-" Mulder grabbed it out of Charlies hand and went through the door, which was still open. "In case, the contractions start.", murmured Charlie to himself. Mulder came back. "Can you drive me to the Chapman street?" 

"Mulder, did you read our minds? We wanted to visit you at the hospital." Frohike embraced Mulder. "Do know something about Scully?" Frohike looked to the floor, Byers and Langly weren't too eager to answer. "Come on, she might be in danger." "Well, we got a visit of the some very not so funny men, who destroyed much of the equipment, hence the new address. We were keeping an eye on Scully, but we lost track of her last week. She is in danger, but how did you find us." "Just a hunch. I need a SUV and I need some basic medical equipment. If I'm right, then she's not in the best constitution." 

An hour later Mulder stood in front of a rental SUV. He hugged the lone gunmen. Then he looked up to the sky and saw a foreign constellation. "Do you know this constellation?" "No..." "Guess, I know where to go."


	15. Chapter 15

Mulder drove as long as he could. Only stopped to fill up gas, eating while driving. Enough time to think about, what he knew, what happend to him. His scars vanished faster, than he was used to. And for someone, who apparently was dead not long ago, he gained his strength back really fast. He felt energetic. Assuming Scully was abducted, had this something to do with her having cancer again? Pangs of remose overcame him. He should have told her to go, when she said, she was fairly happy. Maybe he should have told her about his illness. But it was such a bliss with her, flirting, kissing, making love. Her mood was lighter, she smiled more, something he missed from the early days. What did Scully know about him, was she at his side? He was fairly sure, that Scully at least tried to visit him. She must have been there. It must have been tough for her, him being dead. He knew how he felt, when she had cancer for the first time. How serious was it this time? He had no headache and this random noise in his had was gone too, apparently his illness was gone too. The time in the space ship came into his mind. The memories will not fade easily. Looking up to the sky, he was sure, he was still on the right track. 

Scully woke up, after a dreamless sleep and was hungry. It took her some minutes, until she knew what had happend to her and where she was. She felt something fluffy touching her arm. A small black kitten with clotted eyes. She began to caress it, after shortly thinking about already having antibodies against toxoplasmosis. The kitten began to purr, which calmed Scully down. "Do you know where we get some food?" It was still dark enough to get not suddenly exposed. With the plastic foil wrapped around her body, she went outside the barn. The constellation was still there. The kitten jumped out of her hand and ran towards a tree. Scully followed and stepped a little later onto a half-rotten apple. Scully sat down and began to eat some of the better looking apples. The almost religious image was not lost her. Her on the run, with Mulder most likely after her, being in a barn, pregnant, guided by light, eating apples. Maybe the lone gunmen were the three kings. The kitten hopped on her shoulder, purring again. The pain in her adomen was managable and she had the feeling, that her baby was slightly moving again. So far, she could be in a far worse state. 

Mulder, as energetic he felt five hours ago as sleepy he felt now. He stopped at the next best gas station. Inside the sales room was a small shelf stacked with plush toys. Mulder stopped and looked closely. From unicorns to alpakas, everything in obscure colors and patterns, but nothing normal. Until he saw a small black kitten who had a patch of galaxy fabric sewed on her belly. That's it. He took it and went to the checkout. "How much does this kitten cost?" "Nothing, nobody wants it. It's in this shelf for years now." "The outcast helps the other outcast. Thank you." Mulder parked his SUV and took the sleeping bag out of the cover. He thought back to the day, when he talked with Scully about lying naked in sleeping bags. At that time he never thought, he would see Scully naked, not because she was hurt, but because they were touching each other, caressing each other. And then, one day, the sun went up, the sun went down, they sat on his couch, the movie long over, talking about a theory and then looking at each other, knowing full well, there was the time now to make the next step. She smiled at him, he smiled at her and then she let him kiss her neck. She took her shirt off, when she had taken her bra off, he could just marvel at her. He kissed her chest, her belly and her face had this moonstruck facial expression. Whereever she was, he hoped, she doesn't forget this evening, doesn't forget him. 

Thunder roared, heavy rain was falling, the wind was strong and sometimes Scully feared, the barn would collapse entirely, but the kitten purred and she got the feeling again, that everything would be alright. The next morning she woke up, not sure, if she dreamed, that someone was saying Missy or that it was real. "Missy?" An older woman stood suddenly in front of the barn. Hair grey, but a warm facial expression. "Missy, there you are. I was looking all over for you. You're getting cold and you need to eat something." Scully was slightly unsure how to react. The kitten jumped out of Scullys lap and went to the woman. "I need to hide." "Yes, I know, I brought you a blanket and a basket full of groceries." "I might need medical attention in the next days, can you contact Fox Mulder for me?" "My dear..." The woman caressed Scullys cheek, then her bump. Warmth flowed through her. "I already did." "Who are you?" "Think of me, when you pray, that's enough." "Can you stay?" The woman smiled again. "My work here is done." The woman caressed the kitten and then Scullys bump again. The warmth flowed anew through Scully and before she could thank her, the woman was gone. Instead the kitten jumped on her lap again and purred.

He would apologize. Why did he buy a plush toy. Ok, might be better than a video. He was singing Jeremiah was a bullfrog. He missed her so much. He still couldn't believe that they send her to spy him out and brought him by accident the greatest gift in the world. Of course she would get hurt by his side, he couldn't save her. He just hoped, he had enough time left to save her, to spend time with her. When she asked him about the IVF, it didn't cross his mind, that one of them could die. Neglecting their experiences with almost dying completely. And leave the other alone with the child. It crushed him terribly, that it didn't work out. He wanted to have this child with her. He wanted to have Emily with her. He got frustrated over the fact, how often they chose to stay silent rather to speak their mind. Otherwise getting asked to be the father of her child was a great display of affection. Suddenly someone knocked at his car. A teenager, rather sad looking, stood there slouchy. "Can I help you?" Mulder opened the car door. "I want to go home, but so far everyone declined. I think it's not far from here, I'm not good at map reading." "Ok, hop in." Mulder wrapped up the sleeping bag. "What's your name?" Mulder smirked. "Fox." "Liam." Liam was silent for a minute, then he looked at Mulder and his mood brightend up. "Have you seen the new constellation. I always look up to the stars, that may be the reason for being so bad at map reading." "Yeah, I've seen it." Mulders mood got brighter too. "I bet you're good at finding a way."

Scully thought about Melissa, Emily. Wiping her tears away from time to time. Her baby moved abruptly. She had the feeling, that he had turned around, as in getting ready to be born. Scully began to breath faster. The kitten laid one paw on the bump. She touched the bump. But this time, the kitten couldn't come her. And she felt suddenly very exhausted.

"I think, you have to take the next departure." Mulder would have loved to get to know him better. "I wish, I would know you better." Mulder was surprised. Liam stayed, besides the information about the way, silent the whole hour and now he was saying this, when he thought exactly the same thing? "Maybe next time." Mulder surprised himself with the answer. Somehow he felt connected to the boy. "Okay, drive about 25 miles south then east. We have to take a detour, I don't want to be seen by the others. If that's ok?" "Yeah, as long as I don't change the general direction."

Scully fell asleep, dreaming of Mulder.

The night came. What if he was wrong, driving 500 miles away from Scully. What if this boy was someone to fear? He had met people who he thought he could trust. He had met people, who changed in front of him, suddenly being an alien. What if he was led to believe the lie. The mood shifted. The boy seemed to sense this and he got sad again. Liam asked himself, what he had done wrong again. This cicle seemed to be unbreakable. Where was his faith, when did he lose it again, thought Mulder. This boy did nothing and yet. "The toy is really nice. I hope, whoever gets this, likes it." It broke Mulders heart, how sad LIams voice was. Liam touched the plush toy. "I never had something like that. My former home was so cold." "I'm sorry, I'm not in my best mood." Mulder couldn't help it, but he couldn't shake off his thoughts. How many times did he hope for the best and got the worst. 

She dreamt of Mulder, pointing a gun at her. Dreamt of her shooting him. Scully woke up and gasped. Where was the kitten. She strobed around the ground. She found it, a little bit away from her, trembling with a fast heartbeat. Scully go scared, she didn't want it to die and she had nothing to help. Tears began to run down her cheeks. What if, if she was left to die here also?

Mulder drove another hour until Liam said, we will be there in about 30 minutes. 

Scully was beat by the now too well known angst. Why couldn't this finally stop. Then a contraction hit her. She began to panic. It had to stop, she was alone, Mulder wasn't there. She caressed her bump and began to speak soothingly to Liam. "Wait, please wait. I'm not ready. Not yet, I need Mulder to help me. Please wait for him." After some minutes she couldn't fight off the exhaustion and she began to sleep again.

Mulder got anxious. Something was definitely wrong. He glanced at Liam. Liam raised his hands. "I didn't do anything. If it makes you feel better, you can stop now and I walk home." "No, I drive you home, I won't let you walk around in the dark." Twenty minutes later they came to an old barn and stopped. Mulder got out of the car too. Liam walked towards him, tears in his eyes. "Thank you for bringing me home, nobody has done this for me before. Look up to the sky." Liam pointed with his finger towards the sky. Mulder looked up and saw the constellation brightly. "How?" He turned his head towards Liam, but Liam was gone. 

Mulder decided to stay for now, he wasn't to sure if he would find the way back in the dark. And he was really exhausted now. Mulder took his sleeping bag and laid down on the backseats. A minute later the plush toy came to his mind and he took a fast glance at the middle front seat. The toy was still there, the galaxy fabric shining in the moonlight. Maybe he should have given Liam the toy. Mulder fell asleep rather fast.


	16. Chapter 16

Mulder woke up and screamed "Scully!". He got out of the car, screaming Scully again. It was early in the morning, cold, but the sun send out its first rays. The kitten came out of the barn and sat down on his shoes. Mulder took the kitten and went to the barn. "Scully?" His voice was tender now. The kitten jumped down to the ground and went into the barn, Mulder followed her. Suddenly he saw her and was taken aback. Her hair longer than he remembered, her face pale and slim, her body hidden underneath a blanket. "Scully..." He hesitatet to touch her. Then he ran back to the car and to fetch the duffle bag and a blanket. When he came back, he touched her shoulder softly. Scully jerked up and was wide awake now. She put her arms around her bump. "Don't do anything to me, please. I just came back from them. They didn't want it. Please, leave me alone." Mulder was concerned how scared Scully looked at him. He kneeled down and tried to touch her again, but she swerved back. "It's me, Mulder." Scully began to cry. "Please, not again. I'm afraid, don't hurt me or my baby." Mulder had to steady himself at the wall. He took another look at her and he could see now, that her belly was swollen. Silence fell over the scene. The kitten went from Scully to Mulder and licked his cheek. 

He had suddenly thousand questions. And although he wanted to hide it, he couldn't, he was hurt. That is not how it goes. One of them saves the other and it somehow ends in touching and saying in an intricate way how much they mean to each other. Scully saw how hurt he was. It somehow relieved her. "Mulder?" "It's really me, you have to trust me. Like all the other times. Who else would gift you an apollo keyring?" Scully relaxed and cried even harder. He took her in his arms, kissed her hair and Scully held onto him like she would drown otherwise. The kitten stumbled on the ground and fell aside. "I'm so sorry. The last months were just so-" "I see, what your face tells me." "They were after me, you dead, me pregnant. Where to begin, so many things happend. I had so much doubt, I was so afraid, so many questions. I was in a very dark place, Mulder." Mulder rubbed her back. "I'm here." 

"I guess the red swimsuit I brought with doesn't fit anymore." Mulder looked at her bump. Scully gave him a dig in the ribs and smiled. "No, it doesn't." "Come on, you have to put clothes on, you're really cold." Scully stood up. "Where is the kitten?" She looked around and saw it lying almost lifeless on the floor. "Oh no..." "Scully, you bleed!" Scully touched her thigh and looked up. Her eyes turned upwards and he could catch her just in time. Mulder began to sweat. He put the clothes on and brought her to the car. Then he set the kitten in the basket and took the blankets. He hoped he would find a way.

Scully was in the back and groaned from time to time. It would have been easier, if the constellation was still up there to see, but he had not enough luck for that, so he had to follow his hunches and pray for the best. The meadow near the cornfield ended and he came to a trail. After driving over a big root, Scully retched. "Stop." He turned to her. "Talk to me." "I'm so dizzy, I'm losing blood." After retching again, Scully told him after some minutes to drive on. "Who brought you the basket and the blanket?" "I don't know, an older woman, she was suddenly there, she said searched for Missy, for me. As suddenly she was there as suddenly she was away. How did you find us?" "I saw a new constellation and Liam." Scully got a kick from the baby. "Liam?" "Yeah, a young guy, i took with over the last miles. He vanished also, but he said, he is from here." "Mulder, Liam is how I named the baby." Scully fell back in a half conscious state. Mulder wished desperately for a hint how to find the next hospital. They were driving through woods now and everything looked like untouched from men for years. Extremely sudden was a road sign there "Dreikönigenstadt 13 miles". 

He did find the city and asked the first one he saw, after a general practioner or a hospital, he thanked the man and drove off. He ran over a red traffic light and cursed, when he realized, that they were followed. "What's wrong?" "Nothing, Scully, we will be shortly at the hospital, keep your chin up, we gonna make it, ok?" The police car drove now in front of him and tried to stop him. Mulder dodged the car and drove over the meadow in the middle of the streets. "Mulder!" "Scully, only five minutes!" Scully got cramps, groaning loudly now. Mulder reached the hospital. He sprang out of the car, yelling after a doctor. "I have a pregnant FBI Agent, she's losing blood." The police car stopped behind him. "Are you out of your mind, you put other road users at risk!" The officer grabbed Mulder on his arm. He turned around, yelling at the officer. "My wife is in danger!" A doctor and a nurse came with a stretcher. "Are you the husband?" "Yes." "How far is she?" "Seven months and she had complications."

Mulder paced up and down in the hallway. He can't stand the smell and plastic seats and how slowly the time goes by. He thinking of a cigarette. But then he would be like his father, the CSM, and he is not, absolutely not like his father. He forgot the kitten. And the plush toy. He ran back to the car. The kitten was lying by the plush toy, steadily breathing. He slumped against the car and began to breath heavily. He didn't want to calculate how much luck they had already used and how much they needed. A woman touched him on his arm. "Are you ok?" "Yeah, just a very exhausting day." "I know these days. Where you just don't find a quiet moment to process everything." "Do you have a relative here?" "No, I'm just looking for Missy, but you take great care of her. Just don't forget to tell her to push, when the baby comes. I think, she's afraid about of that." Mulder smiled at the woman weakly. She touched him again, warmth flowing through him. He watched her going away.

"Mr. Mulder?" "Yes?" A nurse came out of the building. "Your wife... The doctor wants to see you." He followed, highly alert and already thinking about all the bad possibilities. "Your wife and your baby, she was really lucky not losing it. Or losing her life. Someone must watch over her, woman don't usually survive this much blood loss." "Can I see her?" "Yes, but she is in a coma." Mulder came into the room and had a flashback. He took her hand and began to cry. He remembered, that Scully prayed with the priest then. Maybe he could pray for her. Mulder first didn't know the right words and began to improvise, but the longer he spoke the better he knew the verses. He prayed the next day too. And suddenly was Scully speaking the verses too, very quiet but speaking non the less. "Aren't you the skeptical regarding being catholic?" "I just acted as a deputy." They smiled at each other. Scully laid her hands on her belly. "Can I?" She nodded. Mulder put his hand beside hers. His face lit up, completely in awe. Then the baby kicked against his hand. "Hi Liam, already doing karate I see. But I think, we should let mommy sleep."

The next seven days spend Mulder besides her, holding her hand, watching her sleep. She sometimes woke up in the mittle of the night, when the baby was too active. "I'm glad I'm used to being awake in the middle of the night." "Missing slicinig and dicing?" "Not really. It wasn't fun anymore. I was thinking about going back to Quantico, teaching." "Oh, Teacher Scully, leaning over the desk, with a cleavage..." "Mulder, I'm already pregnant." "I like your cleavage now too." "It won't stay like this." "Then we have to try for a second one." "First things first. I want you to be in the room with me." "We didn't have lamaze class." "No, but isn't this our thing? We get thrown into a situation and have to work together to pass this task." "And without ever attending a team building seminar." They stayed silent for a moment. "Thank you for letting me be the father. This is really something I wanted for you, I wished for, you getting pregnant." Scully kissed his hand. "I wouldn't want anybody else."

"How is our kitten, Missy?" "Sleeping most of the times. Well, I had to tidy up the cage too." "This gonna be your job with Liam too." "I know, I know. Seems a little overactive today." "Yeah, the doctor said, it's highly likely, that he will be born in the next week. I had already exercise contractions today." "Why didn't you tell me?" "You were finally taking a shower." "Are you afraid?" "No. Maybe. Yes." "You already delivered a baby." "I know, but i am on the other side now. I just hope, he comes out alright." "You're sure, it's just one?" "Yes, I showed you the ultrasound." "Looks like ghosts to me."

Mulder set the plush toy onto her belly. "Oh, it's cute. And fitting." "Yeah, I somehow bought it, before I knew, you were pregnant. Or I knew it deep down and I was just not ready to realize it. Like so many things." 

Scully just came out of the bath room, smiling at Mulder, who was sitting uncomfortabely on a chair and eating sunflower seeds, when a contraction came. "OW!" Mulder jerked up and dropped the seeds. "I think, it's starting."

"I'm afraid, Mulder." "Me too. But we only get to know the truth, if we don't stop this from happening. We have to go on now." Mulder kissed her forehead.

Mulder got calm, feeling the warmth from the woman again. "Push, Scully, push." Scully thought of the kitten, how her purring helped her, how the woman spend her warmth. "We're in this together, right, Mulder." "Scully, one more push!"

Screaming filled the room. Scully cried, still breathing heavily. "Your son is here." The nurse gave Scully her son. Scully was speechless. He was beautiful, brown hair, blue eyes. Mulder looked at them. "He is-" "normal." answered Scully. "He is our truth." Scully looked at Mulder, waiting. Mulder kissed her on the lips. "I love you Mulder."


End file.
